Chamomille and Passion Flower

She curled up in the bathtub hugging her legs with both of her arms. As she stared at the draining water her thoughts overcome her heart. The warm water fell on her like soft rain, it was refreshing to her soul. She felt the water caress her beautiful dark hair as it hydrated her pores one-by-one.

She reached for the hair solution, very gently squishing some onto her hand she rubbed her hands together spreading the soft solution. She placed her hands up near her nose, she inhaled. Mmm, the scent reached her innermost thoughts.

As she caressed the solution on her hair and then hugged her legs again, she thought about Beast—eleven years ago, he had been a strong young man with a lot of facial hair—she remembered his urging words that often flew by, never penetrating her mind, “Be a woman. Know your worth. Fill yourself with wisdom. Don’t be careless. Stand up for yourself and for others. Stand up for what is right! Be strong!” He was always full of energy empowering her to become the woman he want her to be; he wanted her to be for himself. His eyes were dark and very unconvincing. She did not trust him, but, she loved him; her first love.

imageBut, Gerard did not know of her love for him, thus, he urged her with soft words, “I want you to love me enough. Enough is enough to over come anything.” He had been raised knowing sometype of Biblical wisdom, but did not completely practice himself. “It is wrong to have sex before marriage. God wants us to be pure,” he would say.

She remembered the way his eyes used to look at her, they desperately pleaded, “What are you thinking? Why don’t you share your heart with me? Tell me, what is in your heart?” He once told her, “You know, some people cheat because they feel they can’t touch your soul. You are here, but, you are as far as the sun.” His words always escaped her, she never meditated on them because she did not understand their meaning. She was seventeen. She didn’t know of her pains. She did not know herself. She just wanted him to care.

She smiled softly. The little memory from the past gave her the realization that he had loved her. Gerard had loved her soul—not just her body. What would he say if he knew her now? Now, she was the woman that he had urged her to become. She was strong. She was empowered. She stood up for what was right. Now, she was a woman; a woman of God. If he only knew she had been waiting in abstinence after him, eleven years. She still didn’t know how to love well, but she had enough love to forgive. Now, she was a woman who knew her worth because of the cross. The blood on the cross. Jesus’ blood on the cross. Now, she understood everything he wanted her to be, and now she was—all of it.

She prayed blessings over his life and thanked Jesus for her life. She was grateful that after he cheated on her, she rejected to elope with him to Tennessee because of the promise the Lord had given to her, “Do not go with him. I have a life for you, one that you cannot imagine. I have a husband for you, a man that you cannot imagine. Believe and wait.” It was the first time that the Spirit of God had spoken to her spirit. She believed and waited.

With the soft smile on her face, she watched the water drain, the water still running like soft rain. The solution’s scent penetrated in her hair and the dripping access stilled her skin; the scent filled the lavatory of chamomille and passion flower.

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