Relationship Biblical Boundaries: Jesus is More than Enough
I have been taking counseling sessions the last month. It has been very insightful and I’m on a path to healing my soul, or should I say, the Lord is healing my soul. Many of you know that I was sexually abused as a child. Well, this truth had been hunting me some weeks ago. Satan began to draw my past out by placing lies on my head to the degree that I asked God to just take my life. I felt like a little girl cornered in a very dark room, where crows pecked my head, piercing my flesh to only eat my brain out. I know this sounds diabolical. Satan always tries to return us to the things that hurt us the most by placing diabolical scenes on our minds. He is a frivolous creature. I hate him.
Because of the sexual abuse I experienced, I have difficulty trusting people. I have avoided engaging into many types of relationships including: friendships, business relationships, or other types. I did not realize I do this until recently. I also did not realize I have a lot of fears. My counselor, a wonderful woman of God who is an expert in Biblical counseling is helping me through this.
I want to speak on one of my biggest fears; developing toxic relationships with people because many people are manipulative and they aren’t even aware of it.
I am learning healthy relational habits through the Word of God—
Boundaries. Boundaries. Boundaries! All relationships need boundaries:
2 Corinthians 6:14 says that the Christian must be compatible in their walk with Christ with others if they are to engage into emotional relationships (paraphrasing). This is true for all types of relationships. If you are going to be vulnerable with someone, do it with someone who truly knows and loves the Lord and you.
Perfect (True/Godly) Love
1 John 4:18 says that Perfect love casts out all fear. If a relationship produces anxiety in you, it’s probably not perfect love. Godly love produces freedom and peace. Not oppression.
Proverbs 15:1 states, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Peace and respect in all relationships is key. If a person does not respect your desire for a respectful relationship, they have no respect for you and a boundary has been crossed. In a healthy relationship there is a consistent pattern of respecting each other’s space, time, and the style in which you communicate with one another.
Care and Well Being
Philippians 4:8, “…….whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” If someone cares about you, they will want you to be well, emotionally and spiritually. If they seek to control your thought process, they don’t care about your well being.
For example: I had to cut out a toxic relationship (mother figure) because it was causing me a lot of stress and confusion. God is not a God of confusion.
She used to tell me she loved me more than anyone will ever love me. That caused me a lot of sadness because I began to include God in that lack of love. I started to believe she loved me more than God. It also led me to believe that others could not love me. If she loved me so deeply as she said, yet caused me so much pain, then others would defiantly not love me. What a lie!
If you are experiencing a similar situation it means that that person is trying to control you. It is not true that he/she loves you more than anyone on earth ever will. God loves you more than anyone ever will! Everyone else, outside of God is trying to manipulate you. Including your parents because they are not capable of loving profoundly the way that Jesus does. Know that it is ok to place a distance between you and people who have toxic characters, it will hurt, but for your mental and spiritual health it is wise to do so.
Everyone is broken. Period. Everyone needs Jesus. Period. Some people hide their pain in the materialistic things of life. Others in addictions. The healthier types in Jesus. Yes, the healthier types, cling to JESUS. If this is true, yet Satan still manages to sneak lies in our minds, imagine those without Christ? Frankly, I don’t know how people live without Jesus.
If everyone is broken, it means everyone is at risk of crossing boundaries (including you!). However, the emotional healthy people will always mend their errors by placing themselves within boundaries. That is not something you do for them on a consistent basis. If you find yourself setting limits and boundaries that are not respected consistently, it means you are in an unhealthy relationship. Aside from children (who do need consistency in setting limits by adults), emotionally healthy adults should be able to place healthy boundaries in place on their own.
I, myself, am learning to establish healthy boundaries in all of my relationships with people. My counselor is guiding me in the Word of God. I am still going through the process of allowing Jesus to mend my soul. But most importantly, I am allowing Jesus to be more than enough. Jesus is more than enough!