Dominant Influences of My Cultural Shaping Part 1
My ethnic and cultural background comes from my Mexican, Spanish, and American cultures. My Mexican and Spanish ethnicities gave me the ability to call myself Aztec/European princess since I am a descendant of both the Aztecs and those who conquered them, the Spaniards; both my Mexican and Spanish cultures gave me the gift of my romantic Spanish language.
Its somewhat odd to me that I often find myself checking the “white” box when the “Hispanic” option is not present; odd because I do not consider myself white, nor do I look white. Yet, I often hear the expressions “white Hispanic” or “non-Hispanic whites” and both have a completely different connotation.
I suppose this truth shows me that I am caught in the middle of the historical wars between the Aztecs and the Spaniards, and between the historical wars of whites and dark people. This is the story of my life, feeling like I’m in between in the issues of the color of the skin.
Moreover, my American ethnicity gives me the gift of knowing the English language giving me the ability to communicate with probably half the population as a bilingual person. The American privilege also immersed me in the culture of freedom, option, education, and individualism, all values I adore. I realize that through all three of my ethnic backgrounds I am found in so much historical richness that include violence, war, and freedom;
warring for freedom.
Furthermore, my tricultural immersion also gave me the gift of having faith in Christ. I met Christ through my Hispanic/European heritage and became an Arminian. Later, my faith was reinforced through my American attachments, thus this side promoted the Calvinistic approach and now I find myself a “cal-minian.”
Moreover, some of my most prominent character traits include kindness, yet distrusting of others; sweet, yet cautious; friendly, yet very selective; loving, yet vigilant and very analytical; I’m playful, adventurous and curious, yet I become bored easily. I’m a combination of dusk and dawn, night and day; it makes sense because I am an ambivert.
I believe the nature that God gave me is the side which loves, gives, plays, and explores. However, my childhood experiences reinforced the more introverted, introspective and ambivalent side of my personality; some of these experiences include rape for many years, emotional and psychological abuse, neglect, and the lack of love.
Once, in a meeting they asked us to share a childhood memory we had of a loving role model we experienced growing up, it broke my heart that I could not think of any. It dawned on me that I never once experienced any positive relationships with adults as I grew up. The oppressive and abusive relationships I had as a child shaped my view of people as negative, dark, and evil; they informed me that I could not trust anyone. I began to believe that people were weak, liars, and evil. I thought that I could not depend on anyone, I believed that I was stronger, smarter, and more dependable than anyone who existed. I also learned that I could trust myself to take care of all of my needs and wants and no one else.
To Be Continued…
I apologize ahead of time, these series of writings might come offensive for some, but I didn’t want to aggravate the truth, thus I’m including the horrid as well.
I hope you can begin to see that culture is more than skin deep.
It is who we are at our core.
I strongly encourage you and sweetly invite you to explore how your cultural views were formed and influenced…