Like the Demanding Reach of the Peaking Pines
My entire life I’ve felt inadequate and powerless, which led me to comparison. These have touched on my most basic need of worth and safety. I want my worth to be noticed. I want my worth to be appreciated. I want my worth to be celebrated. I want stability. I want to have inner and outer peace.
Inadequacy has told me I am not beautiful enough, or smart enough, or loved enough. Or that I’m not lovable.
Powerlessness has told me that everything evil will overpower or that I will always be in a dark hole.
These have led me to break friendships with amazing people because I unconsciously felt jealous of their loving relationships, love for self, their confidence, or their beauty.
I believed for a long time that I didn’t have these things.
What Lies! I already have all of this! I’ve always had this! I just hadn’t noticed.
The last year I have been growing and healing and realizing who I am. It’s been an amazing journey of self-awareness and restoration.
I remember earlier this year during the winter, I experienced an amazing encounter with Jesus that set the tone for my next journey with the Lord: self-acceptance and self-love.
I sat on my bed talking to Him. I asked Jesus, “Abba, who am I to you? How do you see me? What do I mean to you?”
Jesus amazed me! He showed me the scenery outside my bedroom window where tall pine trees stand, a frozen pond shimmers and white snow covers the ground; tall naked trees move with the wind and the white of the skies brighten up the scenery.
He said, “You are proud and stand firm. You stand tall like the pines, but you bend your will to the Spirit like the pines’ movement to the power of the wind. You want to touch heaven, like the demanding reach of the peaking pines. You are fervent green like the pines, your color never withers. You are eternal….
You are white like snow. I have cleansed your sins and mended your broken heart. You are pure like the white snow that covers the ground. You are soft and tender like the snow…..
You are like the naked trees showing your shame to others, you are uncovered truth.
You are like the trees planted by the waters that give fruit in each season.
The naked trees represent your weakness, but your weakness is my strength and I cover it and your nakedness. Don’t be afraid of your weakness my love for I cover you.
You are like the bright skies. You are light. You are bright. You can set an atmosphere in a room if you choose too and you can rest in my light.
You are like this scenery my love. What natural beauty. What gentle, yet powerful presence.”
He held my head with both His loving hands as I cried. Wow! How full He makes me!
At the time I didn’t truly believe this is who I am and thus I prayed asking Him, “Help this truth be the roots of my everyday thoughts and believe system. Help me see myself the way YOU see me Papa!”
He answered my prayer. Now, I have a conviction I am who He says I am.
What about you? Who does God say you are?