Divine Desires (Part One)
My biggest desire since I was eighteen years old was to know God. I wanted to experientially know (ginosko) God.
An overwhelming desire came upon me to intimately and personally know the father.
I craved Him. I yearned for His love.
Thus for a whole year I cut ties from the outer world.
I’d get home from work and I’d indulge myself in scripture from 6:30pm until I’d fall asleep. I’d spend countless hours in my bedroom while my eyes were clued to bible pages. This thick, incomparable God jumped out of the pages and into my soul. He surrounded me.
I would work 9am to 6pm, and every waking second of free time I’d google about the creator. I’d enter search words such as, “God. How to know God. What is God like? What is fasting? Does God love me? Unconditional love. What does God want from me?…etc.”
I’d spend my one hour break reading scripture.
After this year. I still felt a whole in my chest and I wanted more of God.
The next fifteen years I made it my mission to journey into knowing God. It became my mission to experience Him. God became my ongoing, biggest, most acclimated desire.
Thus, I ventured into experience what only God could have opened doors to. I studied scripture at Moody Bible Institute, I engaged into teaching women and children about the creator, I even took up Biblical counseling as the counselee and as student. I’ve shared Jesus with passion because He is good and faithful; and I have experienced God’s love in glorious ways.
My desire to know God was divinely bestowed. As humans we cannot produce such desire since we are so fallen away. My yearning for God was a calling from God to Himself because He wanted me to know Him, because He desired me.
Most recently, since last year, God has taken me into the journey of self-discovery. He bestowed upon me the desire to know (ginosko) me. This is powerful! He has a plan.
Scripture shows us that we are relational beings because God is a relational God. We relate to God, to our self, to other people, and to nature. He is restoring these interrelations. His plan is to restore creation.
Right now He is teaching me about me through so many avenues; in my mistakes and in my successes, in healing my heart and in learning my triggers, in sorrow and in joy, in being rejected and in being embraced. What a journey!
I am in awe.
However, I am most in awe that it is He who enacted my desires for Him and now for a restored version of myself.
Apart from God we cannot truly, completely, and fully know who we are. We must first know Him, to then begin knowing our-self, to be connected to our heart; thus my divine desire to self-discovery is an embarked journey rooted in The creator.