My 2019 Analysis: I’m Grateful

I made a story of my 2019 memories to share on my social media platforms, through that I realized that I have grown so much this year and that there is so much growth I still want to do.

Even though my social media story does not show the sad moments, the moments when I made mistakes, nor the moments of fear; the moments when I cried to God for help or forgiveness and restoration, those are the moments that propelled the good ones.

Painting by Ana Barajas to a Video of Bob Ross

I had a serious health scare this year, I was rushed to the ER because I could not breath and my chest was in extreme pain. I thought I was having a heart attack, but after many hours of studies an oncologists came to me and told me they needed to admit me into the hospital for some days. I held onto Jesus as never before, the lung cancer possibility flashed my entire life before my eyes. I could only think about three things: I did not want to become bitter towards God, I wanted my son’s faith to be strong, and I began to analyse what man I could ask to marry me just in case I had short days of life left, to make sure that I could enjoy the pleasures of sex again (LOL, I’ve been abstinent for 14 years for the glory and honor of God) for this would be my only regret. 😜

I wish I could tell you this scare is completely over. So far the balls of tissue shrunk to half their size and the biopsy for cancer cells came back negative. I have had brief minimal moments of sharp pain, but my God is good. I have not needed to take any medication since the summer and I’m pending a pet scan in January.

I say all of this to say that even though I am going thought this, this event propelled so much joy and peace in me, this is only possible with God. This event forward me to spend more time with family and friends, to go on more adventures, to teach scripture to women at my church, to begin saying “yes” to prospects who ask me out, to apply for a masters degree in mental health counseling, and getting scholarships from school and my church to pay for it.

Although, there have been painful moments, I realize how many blessings I have.

Moving forward into 2020 I make it a mission not to focus on what I think I’m lacking (which is a lot), but rather what I do have. It’s my mission to be grateful everyday. 

Thank You God because I have amazing friends, freedom, beauty, health, a great job, and amazing co-workers, my family loves me, my son has an amazing heart and he works so hard! I love him soooo much!

Most of all, I have GOD! He is my best friend and my portion forever! I have come to appreciate and see God’s love more clearly. I can say that I have come to love me, but this love is rooted in Christ’s love for me. It does not come from me. God loves me a lot, but I have much perception and faith to gain of His love still. This is the area that I want to grow the most along with being grateful (and other goals I have) in 2020.

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