Motherhood Dilemmas

Lately, I have been freaking out about my parenting skills and how my short comings could potentially affect the future of my son. I have also been fearing the culture and how it influences my six-teen year old son. I’ve deeply been pondering about the should’s:

  • I should have loved him more.
  • I should have spend more time teaching my son about Scripture.
  • I should have invested more time with my son doing things he loves to do.
  • I should have never talked to my son in a diminishing nature along the way.
  • I should have encouraged him more.
  • I should have given him more materialistic things.
  • I should have gotten married to one of those men so my son could have a father figure.

I should have….I should have…..I should have!

But the reality is that I am harshly judging myself about things in the past I cannot change. The reality also is that not one parent is the perfect parent.

I began to give myself grace by listing all of the things I have done well as a single, struggling, teen mother:

  • I have loved my son fully to the max of my capacity; my capacity has not been much, but if I had ten inches of love to give him, I have given him all ten inches.
  • I have taught him to love obedience; and he does, he rarely does anything without my consent.
  • I diligently taught him the fear of the Lord, and although he struggles with being angry with the Lord, he truly holds His words on the tablet of his heart. I am in awe of the Lord for this because this was one of my prayers for his life as he was growing up. We would get on our knees each night and I’d place my hands on his fragile little head asking the Lord to deeply carve His word on his heart.
  • I taught him character! Even though he has no clue who he is, he knows he has a leading, loving, and submissive heart. He knows his purpose includes leading, protecting, and understanding.

I have not one clue what the future holds, but I am not going to allow lies that come from fears guide me. Instead, I asked the Lord to give me time to spend with my son. I asked for wisdom in these crucial years of his life. I asked for patience because sometimes I cannot stand his teen attitude. It’s horrific!

In God’s faithful response He has provided me with practical wisdom to regain the bond between me and my baby, to help him connect his experiences of this culture to wisdom, and to help him reconnect with the Lord.


Lord,

carve deeply your word on the tablet of his heart. Give him a tangible experience of your love for him. Give him love for your name that is firm and unmovable. Give him love for others, but more than that give him wisdom beyond his years to be able to place boundaries on that love. Give him bravery to confront his pain. Give him a clear picture of purpose and vision for his life.

Give him conviction.

Make him into a man with character traits like Joseph, Joshua, and Daniel. Remember these are the men of Scripture I have always prayed over his life.

In Christ’s name, Amen.

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