Her Forever Prayer
Jake is very attractive. Harmony had a very high level of sexual attraction with him that she could not understand.
They went out. He seemed open and honest.
The fourth date he invited her home and Harmony met his mother, cousin, grandmother and sister; it was the day after Thanksgiving.
He seemed proud to share with them that Harmony was an honor student at a prestigious Christian university and bragged to them about her job.
Harmony describes that moment as, “More than sweet. His family is lovely. I really enjoyed the women’s presence and conversation. Middle Eastern food is good and their home was so clean. I loved it. He also made me feel so worth it and validated…
…He shared with me he was bisexual, well he didn’t use that term, but…
…he had been in the porn industry for 7 years. He shared he was exposed to pornography since he was a child. He also had been gang rapped at some point in his life and that he hated his father who had been a pastor. He did not say why, it was a family issue. He shared he hates the fake church and his mother’s daily prayers. My emphatic, Christian, savior complex side of who I am began to love him as a human, but I ran away because my heart was not in any condition to allow him in my life. I didn’t know how to deal with his story.”
She placed distance between them, but his life and story would forever penetrate the depths of her heart. She prays for him constantly.
Harmony shared with a prayerful heart, “I felt broken for many months because I used him to meet my need for worth and validation. I also allowed him to kiss me and touch my body in ways I cannot say. We didn’t have sex, but it was enough to enter emotional pain. I had not kissed anyone in years….
…We encountered each other again in June 2019 and talked things through. He said I deserve a goodly man, that I’m a nice girl….
…But he also said he could not receive my love. He didn’t say this, but I know this is what he meant, ‘No one loves the way you are sharing to love me. Love is not real.’ He carries so much pain. We are no longer in each other’s life’s because he hates my identity in Christ and I don’t relate to his life style.”
Harmony told him she would keep a journal of prayers for his life and he thought she was weird and crazy. He told her she needs psychiatric help. She stated, “This is how wounded he is. He truly cannot understand love.”
Harmony will carry him in her heart as a prodigal brother she loves in Christ. He became her forever prayer.