God in the Mist of the Dating World: Mary’s Conviction

          Mary’s weekend was painful. Her friend got married to an unbeliever and another friend had a baby-shower, who is also a non-believer, this truly triggered her. Marys’ pain came from the thought that God would bless others before her with what He promised her years ago. She thought her faithfulness to God was being overlooked by Him. Her pain was vast too great she sinned.

           That weekend Stev had been calling her. She finally agreed to see him for a date. Mary was honest with him. She told him that she didn’t want anything serious with him because he’s not husband material. She shared with Stev she just wanted her needs to be met by him, “All I want is touch, cuddles, and hugs.” He agreed of course.

          They meet up and Mary allowed him to touch her, hug her, kiss her, and he also fingered her. It felt good in the moment. But as they were parting Mary felt convicted. She knew all along it was wrong. Mary just wanted to be touched, to be held. She wanted to meet the need for love and connection that has been going on meet since she was a little girl.

          She has been practicing abstinence from sex for many years to honor God, but an overwhelming fear came over her that she would grow old before again experiencing being enjoyed by a man in a sexual way.

          Mary wanted touch and did not want to know anything more personal about Stev so she intentionally avoided asking questions to get to know him more. Still, Stev shared details about his life that made him human and when they parted Mary felt horrible because it became vivid that she had used him.

          In their conversation Stev shared that he loves Jesus. He didn’t know Mary is a Christian. She had never shared that with him. Mary could not believe he shared his love for Jesus with her. Stev said he loves Jesus because He died for him. Stev didn’t really know how to articulate his faith, but he said key words that are now hunting her.

          Mary thought about Stev’s words as she drove home and realized that she began to love him as a brother in Christ. The Holy Spirit was moving in the mist of her sin. Stev texted her asking if she got home safe, then the conversation became sexual. She then felt a spiritual bonding happening. She saw things all too clearly. Stev didn’t, which grieved her more.

          Stev is sweet and according to Mary he would have waited on her to do anything physical. He’s a gentle man. Mary didn’t know how to disconnect from Stev. She thought about ghosting him, but would not because she actually loved him in Christ.

          This experience woke her up to a vivid knowledge that she has the power to have whatever man she wants sexually, financially, and emotionally because of her looks and because she is consciously more aware than the average person. She realized she has the power to manipulate a man into thinking and believing he loves her. This really terrified her; it terrified her to know she is this conscious aware of it.

          This experience also makes her more aware that God is the only one that brings us into divine marriage; Divine. Mary can get married tomorrow if she chooses to; to whomever she chooses. But, it would not be to a man chosen by God. God has not revealed him to her yet. Mary’s conviction grew. She does not want to use any man to meet her needs. Mary wants what is Divine.

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