Relationship Status: Single, Unmarried, No Children
This week a beloved friend of mine came into my office seeking comfort about her life status.
She began to say, “I’m not married and I want to have a baby. I have baby fever. I see babies everywhere. My Facebook news feed is full of baby posts. I don’t like my body all the way, and I don’t have the things I want to have.”
I listened carefully as I sat behind my desk watching her down caste appearance, thinking to myself, “What? You have it all together. You only need one thing. Ok two. Your licence to practice and Jesus.”
She continue to speak, but I interrupted her saying, “Wait. So you are sad because Pioter has not proposed to you yet, you want to be a mother (you are thinking that the clock is ticking), and you want to move up in your career to make more money.
My lovely agreed.
Then I proceeded to say, “Well, you are looking at this all wrong. You are evaluating your life based on Facebook and social media’s time line. Let’s examine this a little closer.
Look, you are 28 years old. You are still young. There is time for kids.
Say this, you have a baby right now and get married, then what?
You will be robbing your baby of the things he deserves from you: financial stability, quality time, and most of all peace of mind and emotional stability.
Hon, you wouldn’t be able to launch your career without robbing your baby from all of these things and that’s not fair to your baby. Your future kids deserve all of your undivided attention, love, emotional, and financial strength; things that you should be working on right now.
You are doing things right!
You live on your own and you have the freedom to grow financially to be able to have kids later, which you will.
You are also working on yourself emotionally to be able to provide your kids with a mommy who is wise, patient, and loving. You owe these to your future kids.
In a wise perspective, do you really think this is the right time to get married and have a baby?
You don’t like your body right now, so fix it. Having a baby will only add to this discontent. Babies make you gain weight. Fall in love with you as you are now and work to become what you want to become. Then you will be more joyous and you will have abundance of joy to give to your future kids.
Then, I began to list all of the things that she is and does have:
- Babe, you have an M.A from a recognized university, all you need is to pass your exam to become a therapist, which you will!
- You have Pioter who loves you. I see it. The way he treats you is unlike any other, girl he serves you and enjoys it!
- Pioter is working on himself. He is going to school and working on his emotional needs all while not placing burdens on you. That’s unique and truly, really unseen these days. He has not proposed to you because he wants to offer you something solid. Men are like that. Real men want to take care of their family. He knows that right now he cannot do that. Be patient with him, he loves you.
- You have a great job where you have massive room to grow, and you will! All you have to do is get your license. So get it! You have not passed the exam because you have not studied, not because you are stupid. So, STUDY!
- You are beautiful, tall, bilingual, and smart.
- You have me! I’m an amazing friend. Trust me many wish I was their friend and I have chosen you to invest on. LOL!
She finally came to the conclusion that she will focus her energy on studying for her exam to become a licensed therapist, while continuing to be encouraging and loving to Pioter.
We often think of all the things we don’t have, but neglect what we do have and who we are currently. We forget to analyze why we don’t have the things we desire. Is it the wrong relationship/person? The wrong attitude or energy? Or is it just not the right time?
Count your blessings,
Prepare and Work for the future,
God’s timing is Precise.