Showers in a City

Why did you sent me to a sinful city where I fell In love with its people; only to leave empty handed?

What was I supposed to learn from this? Did anyone else benefit from my story?

Did I make you proud to call me your daughter? Did I do what you sent me out to do?

I thought you took me there to set a flag of victory, but I left empty handed? Did I at least bring you honor?

Photograph by Ana Barajas

Photograph by Ana Barajas

I feel I waisted time and emotions. I feel I lost treasures and so much strength. Did I plant anything of value for you? Did I make a difference? Was my time there spend wisely? Did we achieve what you sent me forth to accomplish?

Will I ever see the city’s fruits?

Now what???????

I have a wondering heart. All I think about is that city that I fell in love with! I think about the people I met there! What now Dear Lord???

I have returned from a battle zone to my bedroom where I cry every night. What do I do? How do I regain strength? Is this a time to regain strength to be sent off to my next mission? Let there be no distractions. Please, I want to be faithful to you.

My heart will not be divided. Take hold of my heart Dear Father. I know you love me! Take hold of my heart! You have saved me before. You took me out of the mud and I became a beautiful young lady. I learned to love me and respect me. You showed me mercy and compassion. You lead me to your cross where you shed blood for me. You delivered me from myself. You showed me grace and love, and I blossomed like the Lili among thorns. I blossomed in the middle of the desert. I KNOW YOU ARE REAL! If you were not, I would have not defeated in the battle field. The battle field which I grew to love so desperately. You are as real as I breath! You placed me in the battle zone as a frighten, cocooned, young girl, and you dragged me out, a victorious wounded Woman. Now, I rest in the place of recovery, an area with great blessings, preparing, strengthening to be placed in a different battle zone; to conquer new hearts, new places, to gain new knowledge, and grow ever closer to you. As I recover from the wounds, I wait in silence to hear direction to set out once more!

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