Absolution of My Heart

I stare at the pond outside of my window. The water moves with ease, it seems to be enchanted by mellow winds. My eyes capture the dancing movements of the tall pines surrounding the pond. I think to myself, “I wish I was the movement the wind produces in nature.”

I sit on the comfort of my white cotton bed sheets as I ponder, “Where is this coming from? What is the need of my heart?”

And then this thought comes in, “I want to have a light heart.” I smile because this thought gives me so much pleasure.

I enter in dialog with God. He whispers, “The old is gone the new is here. Your childhood pain is gone. I want to give you a light heart. Be playful my daughter. Enjoy.” My smile grows so I determine, “Yes. The old is gone. The new is here.”

I ask the Lord, “How do I gain a light heart? I want this gift.” In the mist of my thoughts I perceive the word Forgiveness; a word that I have despised, a word that has been heavy on my heart, a word that I have contemplated for years. It suddenly becomes light and acceptable.

I get on my knees and as tears caress my face I thank the Lord. Finally the word Forgiveness has the touch of the Son. Images of those nights enter my mind. I cry while hugging myself and confessing to the Lord with a tender heart, “I do Father, I forgive him. The old is gone, the new is here. I am made new.”

I indulge this moment. This is what forgiving feels like: Joyous.

God: I was there my beauty. I guarded your heart and I caressed your pain. Even now. Do you see red roses? Can you feel the summer breeze? Inhale its aroma. Can you hear the love song?

Me:  I smile softly, “Yes.”

God: It’s my gift to you. My love, do you know that I love you like the stars brightly beaming? Feel my kiss. My darling smile, it is your signature and it is my joy.

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