The Moment She Loved the Man of Blazing Fire
She went into the lion’s den with her entire system shut down. She shut down her womanhood and any sense to feel.
She activated the numbness that she has always known. This is the first time she voluntarily numbed herself. She used the very emotion that crippled her for so many years to build up a wall, only to protect her heart and her body. She knew that if she did not, she would come out of there more crippled than ever before.
She would have merged with him and she would have lost herself. She would have become Harley Quinn in the Joker’s essence. He would have become a need not just a want.
What a drug! She did not know how to let go. Everything inside of her screamed and shouted to run away.
He is blazing fire, blazing fire without containment; there are no boundaries and no self-control—this terrifies her, not the blaze of his fire, but the lack of self-control—he would have consumed her.
Her skin felt the stings of his presence. She was becoming consumed slowly, so slowly she did not take notice.
She was already feeling the brokenness that came with his essence. She was already feeling so deeply for him, like overpowering waters that cannot be quenched. She loved his humanness. She loved his strong presence. She loved his hazel eyes; his tender eyes that communicate a numbed silence of, “love me.” She did. She loved him. This was her favorite part of being with him—holding his precious face in her two frightened and sweaty hands, she observed him deeply. She observed every line on his face, e-v-e-r-y line she traced with her eyes.
He looked into her eyes and stated, “After today, you are walking away aren’t you? I can feel it.” She was. But she knew he would be ok. He has learned to overcome dissolution within a day. She would possibly leave a mark in him; but he would be himself upon sunrise.
However, for her, there would be no coming back. Not for her. She would be ruined, shattered, demolished, disabled, completely and utterly crushed. There would be no mending for her. Not for her. So, she walked away in great numbness knowing she would miss him.
And where was God in all of this? She definitely did not feel His presence, not at all. God might have been looking down, she did not know. What she did know was his ranging anger towards God and this she could not blame. She understood it. It was the likeness of her anger towards God up until two years ago. Her prayer for his life was that he would be ignited by the power of God to fight to become one with the LORD.