Dominant Influences of My Cultural Shaping Part 2: The Horrid Pain Behind the Truth

The horrendous and abusive language I’d hear from my mom’s boyfriend led me to believe that Hispanic people are weak, needy, and unloyal people. He’d also say horrible things about white people and blacks, so naturally I developed a twisted belief system that white people with blond hair and blues eyes are to be feared and African Americans are abusive. My mother’s boyfriend never explicitly said I could not play with black kids, but I intrinsically knew I should not. The only neighborhood children I’d play with were the Polish kids or the white kids with darker features, mainly the Italian kids. These belief systems were reinforced in elementary school […]

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Dominant Influences of My Cultural Shaping Part 1

My ethnic and cultural background comes from my Mexican, Spanish, and American cultures. My Mexican and Spanish ethnicities gave me the ability to call myself Aztec/European princess since I am a descendant of both the Aztecs and those who conquered them, the Spaniards; both my Mexican and Spanish cultures gave me the gift of my romantic Spanish language. Its somewhat odd to me that I often find myself checking the “white” box when the “Hispanic” option is not present; odd because I do not consider myself white, nor do I look white. Yet, I often hear the expressions “white Hispanic” or “non-Hispanic whites” and both have a completely different connotation. I […]

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Messy Like a Child in the Father’s Presence

It is soooo much easier to be messy than to be on point. That’s why I’m learning to rest in God’s grace and love in the mist of my short comings, fears, doubts, faithlessness, and weaknesses. Me talking to myself, “It’s ok. It’s ok babe.” I was feeling weird one morning. I didn’t know why. I wasn’t feeling sad nor negative, nor discontentment, nor tired. Just weird. But I was desiring love from the Father. I got on my knees and rested my head against the edge of my bed. As I listened to the song “I Surrender,” YHWH encountered me. His loving arms came and hugged me. His face […]

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