My Note to a Brother in Christ

God has been teaching this to me the last few months: to feel the pain and not dismiss it. I tried so hard to run away from pain that I drugged myself with everything I could before I knew Christ. When I met Christ I drugged myself with Him. I was using God instead of allowing Him to heal me. In class we are reading a book and it talks about feeling pain. Now, I see the beauty in pain and suffering. It’s how we grow into being more like Christ. It’s how we learn to love others. Do you remember when we went to eat at Three Arts Club […]

Continue reading »

The Moment She Loved the Man of Blazing Fire

She went into the lion’s den with her entire system shut down. She shut down her womanhood and any sense to feel. She activated the numbness that she has always known. This is the first time she voluntarily numbed herself. She used the very emotion that crippled her for so many years to build up a wall, only to protect her heart and her body. She knew that if she did not, she would come out of there more crippled than ever before. She would have merged with him and she would have lost herself. She would have become Harley Quinn in the Joker’s essence. He would have become a […]

Continue reading »

Seven Years Gone

I wanted you to love me! Seven years, Seven years of wanting you to love me. How strange the human heart is…… Seven years of you in my mind. Seven years of you in my heart. And now, now, now it’s gone. It makes no sense at all how the human heart can change over night. Mine changed over night. It changed over night. I wanted you to love me! I wanted you to love me. Seven years gone by. Seven years gone gone gone gone gone gone. The Lord was wise to say: “The human heart is deceiving.” Mine deceived me well. I would have walked through the fire […]

Continue reading »

Smile at Me

Seven years gone with the wind. Seven years gone like the wind. You made them dissipate. They dissipated with your smile. Something ignited within me the Spring night I walked pass by you. You smiled at me, but I kept walking. I did not smile back, I must have been asleep. I think your smile woke me up. I had a dream last night: The atmosphere witnessed our desperate love. We both clung onto each other, a moment spend away from one another was treacherous. I woke up. I handed the dream over to the Lord. I gave you over to the Lord. I asked Him to do His will and admonished Him, […]

Continue reading »

You are Perfect in Every Way

“Worthless. Worthless! Worthless!! Worthless!!! Worthless!!!! Worthless!!!!!” A tempest of tears stream from my eyes down to my hoodie. I can’t make since of the perfection he listed with such detail: “You are perfect in every way. I love everything about you; the way you think, the way you carry yourself. You are confident and beautiful inside and out. I love your heart, the way you love God, you are obedient to Him and you have compassion for people. I love your smile and your dimples. I love the powerful woman you have become and you’re only going to get better. Damn. You are perfect in every way. You live a […]

Continue reading »

I Imagine You

It enters my mind like a sweet gentle breeze; the instrumental music that moves my soul. I close my eyes and listen carefully to the vibrations of the compositions: Song from a Secret Garden, Moon Light Sonata, Love Story and many more. I imagine you. You approach me with caution. You seem unsure of my reaction. If you only knew. I have always been here, waiting. You can come. Approach me and dance with me this sweet melody. If you extend your hand to me in gentleness and sure pursuit of me, I will respond with grace and a smile (the sweet smile you love so much, on my face […]

Continue reading »

God Loves Me for Me

this, that, This, That, THIS, THAT!!! AHHH!!! It’s 1:00 am and I have so many infectious thoughts burning through my brain. I can’t handle them! I hug my white fluffy pillow with all my might as I curl myself up on my bed. I pretend it’s the God of heavens who comforts me. I beg, “Abba, take this away, I don’t want it. I want to be like you, but I am filled with doubt, jealousy, and mistrust, and I do not feel worthy. I am so unworthy!” I scream from the depths of this agony. I need my Lord to rescue me from myself. I hope to feel His presence. But […]

Continue reading »

But, You

Jesus! I know You care. You love me. I look to You. What am I supposed to do with these emotions? I don’t know what to do with these thoughts and my desires! I used to wonder, “Why should I desire anything at all if I will never be able to have it? Why give life to those who wonder aimlessly?” Recently, it does not matter anymore. I’ve held onto my life for far too long. I surrender, my life is better off in Your hands. Holy Spirit You are the power. You give the fire and I am the temple. Every desire compared to You is nothing! My passion […]

Continue reading »

I’m Here

These demons taunt me every night and I often cannot sleep well. But, I’m here. I sin against you with my thoughts and I don’t always agree with you. But, I’m here. I’m repeatedly wrong, very, very wrong. But, I’m here. I’m a very emotional being and I regularly make so many mistakes, so many. But, I’m here. I say the wrong things, my tongue speeds to speak evil. But, I’m here. I see the faces of those I offend with my boldness (which numerous times isn’t wise). But, I’m here. I have idols in my heart. I often want to stray away from you when the world seems appetizing […]

Continue reading »

Edgar Misterio’s Return to Christ: Our Conversation

It’s Nov. 1st, 2017; 10:41 AM, I wish Edgar Misterio a Happy Birthday: Hey! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! He replies: ☺ Thanks Ana. To which I respond with an aching heart knowing that he has always been a leader but is not serving God. Not knowing what the Holy Spirit is about to cause through me, I tell him: No problem. I think you have a calling from God to serve Him. Why don’t you? I expect him to reply right away maybe with disbelief, but he doesn’t.

Continue reading »
1 2 3