Divine Desires (Part One)

My biggest desire since I was eighteen years old was to know God. I wanted to experientially know (ginosko) God. An overwhelming desire came upon me to intimately and personally know the father. I craved Him. I yearned for His love. Thus for a whole year I cut ties from the outer world. I’d get home from work and I’d indulge myself in scripture from 6:30 pm until I’d fall asleep. Countless hours in my bedroom while my eye were clued to bible pages, this thick, incomparable God jumped out of the pages and into my soul. He surrounded me. I would work 9 am to 6 pm, and every waking second […]

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Thank You! To the Men Who Made Efforts to Date Me

I want to apologies to the men who asked me out and I said no and to the men who asked me to be in a committed relationship with and I said no. I was not ready. But I also want to thank you and I want to thank the men who asked me out and I said yes, but it didn’t work out. Thank you for being gentle with me. Thank you for respecting my boundaries and for not pushing me. Thank you for not attempting to kiss me because without you knowing you were healing my heart! Thank you for treating me with patience and kindness. Thank you […]

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God in the Mist of the Dating World: Mary’s Conviction

          Mary’s weekend was painful. Her friend got married to an unbeliever and another friend had a baby-shower, who is also a non-believer, this truly triggered her. Marys’ pain came from the thought that God would bless others before her with what He promised her years ago. She thought her faithfulness to God was being overlooked by Him. Her pain was vast too great she sinned.            That weekend Stev had been calling her. She finally agreed to see him for a date. Mary was honest with him. She told him that she didn’t want anything serious with him because he’s not […]

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Faith Over Fear in a World of Sexual Sin

One of my favorite mentors Spencer Robbins said to me, “I’ve found that 98% of men I’ve met, deal or have dealt with sexual struggles- specifically porn and masturbating. The rare breeds are the ones that run after breaking free from shame and are willing to do whatever it takes to get free from those behaviors and connect with love.” Haven been sexually abused as a child I always run away from potential relationships when I notice or when the guy tells me of his sexual struggles. This is the biggest trigger for me. I am not willing to stay and even discuss their sexual issues because I feel that’s […]

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Relationship Status: Single, Unmarried, No Children

This week a beloved friend of mine came into my office seeking comfort about her life status. She began to say, “I’m not married and I want to have a baby. I have baby fever. I see babies everywhere. My Facebook news feed is full of baby posts. I don’t like my body all the way, and I don’t have the things I want to have.” I listened carefully as I sat behind my desk watching her down caste appearance, thinking to myself, “What? You have it all together. You only need one thing. Ok two. Your licence to practice and Jesus.” She continue to speak, but I interrupted her […]

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My Note to a Brother in Christ

God has been teaching this to me the last few months: to feel the pain and not dismiss it. I tried so hard to run away from pain that I drugged myself with everything I could before I knew Christ. When I met Christ I drugged myself with Him. I was using God instead of allowing Him to heal me. In class we are reading a book and it talks about feeling pain. Now, I see the beauty in pain and suffering. It’s how we grow into being more like Christ. It’s how we learn to love others. Do you remember when we went to eat at Three Arts Club […]

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The Moment She Loved the Man of Blazing Fire

She went into the lion’s den with her entire system shut down. She shut down her womanhood and any sense to feel. She activated the numbness that she has always known. This is the first time she voluntarily numbed herself. She used the very emotion that crippled her for so many years to build up a wall, only to protect her heart and her body. She knew that if she did not, she would come out of there more crippled than ever before. She would have merged with him and she would have lost herself. She would have become Harley Quinn in the Joker’s essence. He would have become a […]

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Seven Years Gone

I wanted you to love me! Seven years, Seven years of wanting you to love me. How strange the human heart is…… Seven years of you in my mind. Seven years of you in my heart. And now, now, now it’s gone. It makes no sense at all how the human heart can change over night. Mine changed over night. It changed over night. I wanted you to love me! I wanted you to love me. Seven years gone by. Seven years gone gone gone gone gone gone. The Lord was wise to say: “The human heart is deceiving.” Mine deceived me well. I would have walked through the fire […]

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Smile at Me

Seven years gone with the wind. Seven years gone like the wind. You made them dissipate. They dissipated with your smile. Something ignited within me the Spring night I walked pass by you. You smiled at me, but I kept walking. I did not smile back, I must have been asleep. I think your smile woke me up. I had a dream last night: The atmosphere witnessed our desperate love. We both clung onto each other, a moment spend away from one another was treacherous. I woke up. I handed the dream over to the Lord. I gave you over to the Lord. I asked Him to do His will and admonished Him, […]

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You are Perfect in Every Way

“Worthless. Worthless! Worthless!! Worthless!!! Worthless!!!! Worthless!!!!!” A tempest of tears stream from my eyes down to my hoodie. I can’t make since of the perfection he listed with such detail: “You are perfect in every way. I love everything about you; the way you think, the way you carry yourself. You are confident and beautiful inside and out. I love your heart, the way you love God, you are obedient to Him and you have compassion for people. I love your smile and your dimples. I love the powerful woman you have become and you’re only going to get better. Damn. You are perfect in every way. You live a […]

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