Mind Set on Christ and Victory Over Mental Health

I have made it part of my journey to fight for my mind. Especially being someone who’s lived with PTSD since the age of 5 years old: from vivid demonic dreams, to fighting to decipher if my thoughts are reality or just part of a symptom (but a post on specifications for another day).   This year has been challenging for the obvious reason, but this year I have also experienced the most victorious mental health moments of my life. I want to share that I have been experiencing so much joy in the mist of chaos. When the pandemic hit I found myself in a hopeful and blissful state […]

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Dominant Influences of My Cultural Shaping Part 4: External Influences

I didn’t have a complete picture of my racial identity until I became a Christian, I was twenty-one years old. I don’t remember anyone taking me by the hand and mentoring me until the age of twenty-three, when I met my pastor Ismael Vargas. He modelled for me how he takes his Puerto-Rican American culture and roots it in Christ. I once shared with him I didn’t feel adequate because I’m Hispanic and a woman. His response blew my mind. He said, “Yes, you are Hispanic and a woman, but you are a Hispanic woman of God. You belong to God and any door is closed or opened by God. […]

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Divine Desires (Part One)

My biggest desire since I was eighteen years old was to know God. I wanted to experientially know (ginosko) God. An overwhelming desire came upon me to intimately and personally know the father. I craved Him. I yearned for His love. Thus for a whole year I cut ties from the outer world. I’d get home from work and I’d indulge myself in scripture from 6:30pm until I’d fall asleep. I’d spend countless hours in my bedroom while my eyes were clued to Bible pages. This thick, incomparable God jumped out of the pages and into my soul. He surrounded me. I would work 9am to 6pm, and every waking second of […]

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Thank You! To the Men Who Made Efforts to Date Me

I want to apologies to the men who asked me out and I said no and to the men who asked me to be in a committed relationship with and I said no. I was not ready. But I also want to thank you and I want to thank the men who asked me out and I said yes, but it didn’t work out. Thank you for being gentle with me. Thank you for respecting my boundaries and for not pushing me. Thank you for not attempting to kiss me because without you knowing you were healing my heart! Thank you for treating me with patience and kindness. Thank you […]

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God in the Mist of the Dating World: Mary’s Conviction

          Mary’s weekend was painful. Her friend got married to an unbeliever and another friend had a baby-shower, who is also a non-believer, this truly triggered her. Marys’ pain came from the thought that God would bless others before her with what He promised her years ago. She thought her faithfulness to God was being overlooked by Him. Her pain was vast too great she sinned.            That weekend Stev had been calling her. She finally agreed to see him for a date. Mary was honest with him. She told him that she didn’t want anything serious with him because he’s not […]

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Faith Over Fear in a World of Sexual Sin

One of my favorite mentors Spencer Robbins said to me, “I’ve found that 98% of men I’ve met, deal or have dealt with sexual struggles- specifically porn and masturbating. The rare breeds are the ones that run after breaking free from shame and are willing to do whatever it takes to get free from those behaviors and connect with love.” Haven been sexually abused as a child I always run away from potential relationships when I notice or when the guy tells me of his sexual struggles. This is the biggest trigger for me. I am not willing to stay and even discuss their sexual issues because I feel that’s […]

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Relationship Status: Single, Unmarried, No Children

This week a beloved friend of mine came into my office seeking comfort about her life status. She began to say, “I’m not married and I want to have a baby. I have baby fever. I see babies everywhere. My Facebook news feed is full of baby posts. I don’t like my body all the way, and I don’t have the things I want to have.” I listened carefully as I sat behind my desk watching her down caste appearance, thinking to myself, “What? You have it all together. You only need one thing. Ok two. Your licence to practice and Jesus.” She continue to speak, but I interrupted her […]

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My Note to a Brother in Christ

God has been teaching this to me the last few months: to feel the pain and not dismiss it. I tried so hard to run away from pain that I drugged myself with everything I could before I knew Christ. When I met Christ I drugged myself with Him. I was using God instead of allowing Him to heal me. In class we are reading a book and it talks about feeling pain. Now, I see the beauty in pain and suffering. It’s how we grow into being more like Christ. It’s how we learn to love others. Do you remember when we went to eat at Three Arts Club […]

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The Moment She Loved the Man of Blazing Fire

She went into the lion’s den with her entire system shut down. She shut down her womanhood and any sense to feel. She activated the numbness that she has always known. This is the first time she voluntarily numbed herself. She used the very emotion that crippled her for so many years to build up a wall, only to protect her heart and her body. She knew that if she did not, she would come out of there more crippled than ever before. She would have merged with him and she would have lost herself. She would have become Harley Quinn in the Joker’s essence. He would have become a […]

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Seven Years Gone

I wanted you to love me! Seven years, Seven years of wanting you to love me. How strange the human heart is…… Seven years of you in my mind. Seven years of you in my heart. And now, now, now it’s gone. It makes no sense at all how the human heart can change over night. Mine changed over night. It changed over night. I wanted you to love me! I wanted you to love me. Seven years gone by. Seven years gone gone gone gone gone gone. The Lord was wise to say: “The human heart is deceiving.” Mine deceived me well. I would have walked through the fire […]

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