But, You

Jesus! I know You care. You love me. I look to You. What am I supposed to do with these emotions? I don’t know what to do with these thoughts and my desires! I used to wonder, “Why should I desire anything at all if I will never be able to have it? Why give life to those who wonder aimlessly?” Recently, it does not matter anymore. I’ve held onto my life for far too long. I surrender, my life is better off in Your hands. Holy Spirit You are the power. You give the fire and I am the temple. Every desire compared to You is nothing! My passion […]

Continue reading »

Raised by the Hand of The Lord

Satan was supreme over me. I felt abandoned and exposed to the cold rain. My thoughts were saturated with darkness as he whispered lies into my gullible teenage ears, “He will amount to nothing as you are. I will do with him as I did with you. I will scar his body, send him deep into the abyss of bondage, and I will murder his dreams one-by-one. You and your generations are beneath me.” I gave birth to my baby. He looked defenseless clinging unto me as a baby bird clings under his mother’s wings for shelter. I held him tight in my fragile arms burdened by my reality, “Our lives have been set. Everything points […]

Continue reading »

Resurgence

I laid on the cruel floor and my heart, oh my heart; I thought it was going to erupt. I pressed my hands against my chest to contain the beats of my heart in place. One, two: I could not feel my hands anymore; they dropped beside my body. Three, four: I could not feel my tongue and my lips dried up. I could not speak. Five, six: I think I stopped breathing. Seven, eight: It took eight seconds to wake up to the truth that I did not want to die. I was not ready to face a wrathful God. I was experiencing a drug overdose. I took many […]

Continue reading »

Solo Recuerdos

Camino con mí cabeza en alto. Cada paso que doy es firme como una roca entre las olas del mar. Cada paso es determinante. Camino confidente sobré el piso de la casa de mi Creador. Pero. Cada paso que doy representa un recuerdo más; uno más de aquel humano que marcaba mi cuerpo de la edad de cinco con sus manos de pecado. Si, vivo en la casa de mi Creador y tengo paz externa. Soy amada y tengo todo lo que necesito, pero en mi mente viven esos recuerdos. Algunos días más que otros me acompañan los recuerdos. Yo lloraba, pero ahora soy una mujer poderosa. Vivo bajo la […]

Continue reading »

I am Ana/Stasia

I battle demons that won’t let me rest, I shouted out into the airs, they hurled and turned away from me. “Anita you are an orphan,” his words echoed into the deepest oceans of my hurting heart. Yes, I always felt like an orphan walking naked through the darkest nights. Although, I was breastfeed, never did she hold me tight. I tried hugging her legs because I was terrified; she pushed me away and then placed me in a crib. This is when the demon came. He stood in front of me watching me breathe. She failed to protect my innocence. O, how haunted I am by the distant memories. […]

Continue reading »

Living with PTSD

I used to be afraid of the night falls and the darkness of my bedroom. I used to ask the Lord, “Don’t make night come tonight, don’t let me fall asleep,” but when the night did come I turned on my lamps and I read my Bible until I would fall asleep. I’d wake up in the middle of the night with horrifying images on my mind. I once dreamed about a bloody demon devouring a child with his sharp teeth. There was tender flesh dripping from his mouth and he laughed endlessly. The background screams of people in agonizing pain were chilling. Military death scenes seem less frightening than these dreams. I’d cry for […]

Continue reading »

Jesus is the Wise Man

Advent is a time to prepare for Christ’s coming. There are many gospels that talks about how we must be ready to welcome Jesus into our hearts. There is one gospel that particularly sticks out to me. Jesus says,”…I will liken unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock: And the rain descended, & the floods came, & the winds blew, & beat upon that house; and it fell not:for it was founded upon a rock…” (Matthew 7:21-29)   This language is figurative in the sense that the rock is meant to stand for God. We have to build a solid foundation, relationship, with God. This relationship consists […]

Continue reading »

Edgar Misterio’s Return to Christ: Our Conversation

It’s Nov. 1st, 2017; 10:41 AM, I wish Edgar Misterio a Happy Birthday: Hey! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! He replies: ☺ Thanks Ana. To which I respond with an aching heart knowing that he has always been a leader but is not serving God. Not knowing what the Holy Spirit is about to cause through me, I tell him: No problem. I think you have a calling from God to serve Him. Why don’t you? I expect him to reply right away maybe with disbelief, but he doesn’t.

Continue reading »

Desperate Plea: I Want to be Used by God

I fell on my knees on the kitchen floor while washing the dishes after the petty argument. My tears dropped like rain drops as I poured out myself to God. I shook my head pleading to the LORD: I don’t want to live life this way anymore, please! Please clean my heart! Take this darkness out of me. I don’t want to be like everyone else. I don’t want to live like them! Clean my heart and make me new. Revive my heart, I will not run away from your purpose in me anymore. Give me strength like the eagles. This time I will not fly away. Do something radical in […]

Continue reading »

Become Enough!

Right now God is not enough. He has always been more than enough. But, lately He has not been enough. At times He is. And I have been praying and literally crying out to Him to fill me with His presence and to guide me and to help me trust Him; but, most of the time I just don’t. Often I wonder if He’s even real. Or if He hears me. I feel forgotten by Him. The Christian life feels so surreal. I used to have a childlike faith. I miss it. I am constantly gasping for air. There’s always a pressure in the middle of my chest. I find […]

Continue reading »
1 2 3 4 5