Divine Desires (Part One)

My biggest desire since I was eighteen years old was to know God. I wanted to experientially know (ginosko) God. An overwhelming desire came upon me to intimately and personally know the father. I craved Him. I yearned for His love. Thus for a whole year I cut ties from the outer world. I’d get home from work and I’d indulge myself in scripture from 6:30 pm until I’d fall asleep. Countless hours in my bedroom while my eye were clued to bible pages, this thick, incomparable God jumped out of the pages and into my soul. He surrounded me. I would work 9 am to 6 pm, and every waking second […]

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I’m Grateful Part Three: God’s Incomparable Merciful Love

While at my stay in the hospital I re-learned that the “Work” was done by Jesus. All we get to do is rest in His love and presence. That’s our worship; that we love him back, that we trust Him, that we rest in Him because we love and trust His character and His word. Isn’t that so peaceful and beautiful! It’s like we are in the middle of the storm relaxing and He is doing all the fighting for us, He does all the warring for us. We don’t do a thing. We just get to rest. What a powerful God we have that He takes on the load […]

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Thank You! To the Men Who Made Efforts to Date Me

I want to apologies to the men who asked me out and I said no and to the men who asked me to be in a committed relationship with and I said no. I was not ready. But I also want to thank you and I want to thank the men who asked me out and I said yes, but it didn’t work out. Thank you for being gentle with me. Thank you for respecting my boundaries and for not pushing me. Thank you for not attempting to kiss me because without you knowing you were healing my heart! Thank you for treating me with patience and kindness. Thank you […]

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Thank You! To All of My Father Figures, Brother Figures, Professors, and Mentors

Thank you! To all of my father figures, brother figures, professors, and mentors; those of you who over the years created space for me to grown in many different capacities. This lock down has given me the time and space to reflect on the gift you have been. God placed you in my life to heal pieces of my distorted belief system concerning masculinity and I just want to thank you. I did not spend much time with some of you, but the brief interactions we had were more than enough, God used your character to mend my heart, so thank you. THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! Thank you for noticing […]

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Strength is Preceded by Pain

My body is constantly in pain. If its not my legs, its my arms, or my back, or my pecs. It’s ok though, this pain is completely optional since I’m choosing to train my body by weight lifting. I began weight train a little over 1.5 years ago to give myself the chance to live healthier for as long as I am on earth. I want to be strong, agile, and youthful to be able to focus on my duties and dreams. Isn’t amazing how strength can only come from stretching and the tearing of the muscle simultaneously as you rest and feed your body exactly what it needs. Since […]

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The Lord Speaks to Him

When my son was done readying scripture we discussed his study on Proverbs 1-10, it went something like this: Me: What resonated with you from your study? Nico: Ummm, I don’t know, but it’s all good stuff. Me: Ok, but what jumped out? Something grabbed your heart. Nico: That, pretty much, to value the instruction of your father and mother. So, in my case, YOU. That, it’s good to stay away from the seductive woman. And…..hold on, let me read it: ‘For wisdom is more profitable than silver, and her wages are better than gold. Wisdom is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her.’ Pro. 3:14-15 […]

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Motherhood Dilemmas

Lately, I have been freaking out about my parenting skills and how my short comings could potentially affect the future of my son. I have also been fearing the culture and how it influences my six-teen year old son. I’ve deeply been pondering about the should’s: I should have loved him more. I should have spend more time teaching my son about Scripture. I should have invested more time with my son doing things he loves to do. I should have never talked to my son in a diminishing nature along the way. I should have encouraged him more. I should have given him more materialistic things. I should have […]

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Her Forever Prayer

Jake is very attractive. Harmony had a very high level of sexual attraction with him that she could not understand. They went out. He seemed open and honest. The fourth date he invited her home and Harmony met his mother, cousin, grandmother and sister; it was the day after Thanksgiving. He seemed proud to share with them that Harmony was an honor student at a prestigious Christian university and bragged to them about her job. Harmony describes that moment as, “More than sweet. His family is lovely. I really enjoyed the women’s presence and conversation. Middle Eastern food is good and their home was so clean. I loved it. He also made […]

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Sweet Memory: A Romantic Tender Rejection

Last summer I told a guy how I felt about him. I was trying to pull a Ruth. Haha. He confessed he has felt the same towards me for years. He said that he really admired me and thought highly of me. He went on to list all the qualities he loved about me. He also added that he had a lot of issues to work through; he alluded to sexual issues. He had an expression of sadness and self-disappointment on his face as he confessed, “I do not want to put you through my struggles and my pain. It would not be fair to you.” He strongly suggested that I […]

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God in the Mist of the Dating World: Mary’s Conviction

          Mary’s weekend was painful. Her friend got married to an unbeliever and another friend had a baby-shower, who is also a non-believer, this truly triggered her. Marys’ pain came from the thought that God would bless others before her with what He promised her years ago. She thought her faithfulness to God was being overlooked by Him. Her pain was vast too great she sinned.            That weekend Stev had been calling her. She finally agreed to see him for a date. Mary was honest with him. She told him that she didn’t want anything serious with him because he’s not […]

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