Latest Posts

Divine Desires (Part One)

My biggest desire since I was eighteen years old was to know God. I wanted to experientially know (ginosko) God. An overwhelming desire came upon me to intimately and personally know the father. I craved Him. I yearned for His love. Thus for a whole year I cut ties from the outer world. I’d get home from work and I’d indulge myself in scripture from 6:30 pm until I’d fall asleep. Countless hours in my bedroom while my eye were clued to bible pages, this thick, incomparable God jumped out of the pages and into my soul. He surrounded me. I would work 9 am to 6 pm, and every waking second […]

Continue reading »

I’m Grateful Part Three: God’s Incomparable Merciful Love

While at my stay in the hospital I re-learned that the “Work” was done by Jesus. All we get to do is rest in His love and presence. That’s our worship; that we love him back, that we trust Him, that we rest in Him because we love and trust His character and His word. Isn’t that so peaceful and beautiful! It’s like we are in the middle of the storm relaxing and He is doing all the fighting for us, He does all the warring for us. We don’t do a thing. We just get to rest. What a powerful God we have that He takes on the load […]

Continue reading »

I’m Grateful Part Two: Partnering Up with Love

I think we can all agree that 2020 has not been what we had planned for. It sure has not for me. First, the pandemic disrupted my life, as was yours; and then, I ended up in the hospital for seven days (not covid related) in airborne isolation. I shared on New Year’s Eve 2019 about my health scare that began May 2019, you can read about it here. This year, my condition worsen. The nodules they found last year in my lungs got bigger and now had wholes (which doctors said it’s not normal). I had more than 7 specialist treating me and ordering blood tests, CT scans, biopsies, […]

Continue reading »

Thank You! To the Men Who Made Efforts to Date Me

I want to apologies to the men who asked me out and I said no and to the men who asked me to be in a committed relationship with and I said no. I was not ready. But I also want to thank you and I want to thank the men who asked me out and I said yes, but it didn’t work out. Thank you for being gentle with me. Thank you for respecting my boundaries and for not pushing me. Thank you for not attempting to kiss me because without you knowing you were healing my heart! Thank you for treating me with patience and kindness. Thank you […]

Continue reading »

Thank You! To All of My Father Figures, Brother Figures, Professors, and Mentors

Thank you! To all of my father figures, brother figures, professors, and mentors; those of you who over the years created space for me to grown in many different capacities. This lock down has given me the time and space to reflect on the gift you have been. God placed you in my life to heal pieces of my distorted belief system concerning masculinity and I just want to thank you. I did not spend much time with some of you, but the brief interactions we had were more than enough, God used your character to mend my heart, so thank you. THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! Thank you for noticing […]

Continue reading »

My 2019 Analysis: I’m Grateful

I made a story of my 2019 memories to share on my social media platforms, through that I realized that I have grown so much this year and that there is so much growth I still want to do. Even though my social media story does not show the sad moments, the moments when I made mistakes, nor the moments of fear; the moments when I cried to God for help or forgiveness and restoration, those are the moments that propelled the good ones. I had a serious health scare this year, I was rushed to the ER because I could not breath and my chest was in extreme pain. […]

Continue reading »

Strength is Preceded by Pain

My body is constantly in pain. If its not my legs, its my arms, or my back, or my pecs. It’s ok though, this pain is completely optional since I’m choosing to train my body by weight lifting. I began weight train a little over 1.5 years ago to give myself the chance to live healthier for as long as I am on earth. I want to be strong, agile, and youthful to be able to focus on my duties and dreams. Isn’t amazing how strength can only come from stretching and the tearing of the muscle simultaneously as you rest and feed your body exactly what it needs. Since […]

Continue reading »

I Felt Pain

I can’t hardly breathe. It feels like I’m drowning. I can hear myself gasping for air. I feel complete desperation for fresh air, the one I’m inhaling feels toxic. I shift my attention to my chest: I feel a pressure that cannot be released; this pressure appears black and deep in my imagination, as thought it were a whole in my chest. There’s a choking sensation in my throat. I can’t talk. My head hurts. I’m thinking a billion thoughts per millisecond. Fear. Mistrust. Sorrow. Melancholy. These thoughts are causing me to cry. I feel warm tears stream from my eyes to my cheeks; they rest there and become cold. […]

Continue reading »

The Lord Speaks to Him

When my son was done readying scripture we discussed his study on Proverbs 1-10, it went something like this: Me: What resonated with you from your study? Nico: Ummm, I don’t know, but it’s all good stuff. Me: Ok, but what jumped out? Something grabbed your heart. Nico: That, pretty much, to value the instruction of your father and mother. So, in my case, YOU. That, it’s good to stay away from the seductive woman. And…..hold on, let me read it: ‘For wisdom is more profitable than silver, and her wages are better than gold. Wisdom is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her.’ Pro. 3:14-15 […]

Continue reading »

Motherhood Dilemmas

Lately, I have been freaking out about my parenting skills and how my short comings could potentially affect the future of my son. I have also been fearing the culture and how it influences my six-teen year old son. I’ve deeply been pondering about the should’s: I should have loved him more. I should have spend more time teaching my son about Scripture. I should have invested more time with my son doing things he loves to do. I should have never talked to my son in a diminishing nature along the way. I should have encouraged him more. I should have given him more materialistic things. I should have […]

Continue reading »
1 2 3 10