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The Romanian-Persian Man

I didn’t notice I absorbed all of his pain. His heart became mine and I grieved. I grieved over his suffering, but he did not take notice. He did not care. How could he? He has been numb for far too long. He was incapable of noticing how I grieved over his broken heart; his paralyzed heart did not allow him too. He admitted once that he was broken, but he could not pinpoint the origin of his suffering. I could. Not only did I know its origin, but I, I merged with it. I know the burning fire that comes from being rapped. I took it upon my shoulders […]

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My Note to a Brother in Christ

God has been teaching this to me the last few months: to feel the pain and not dismiss it. I tried so hard to run away from pain that I drugged myself with everything I could before I knew Christ. When I met Christ I drugged myself with Him. I was using God instead of allowing Him to heal me. In class we are reading a book and it talks about feeling pain. Now, I see the beauty in pain and suffering. It’s how we grow into being more like Christ. It’s how we learn to love others. Do you remember when we went to eat at Three Arts Club […]

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The Moment She Loved the Man of Blazing Fire

She went into the lion’s den with her entire system shut down. She shut down her womanhood and any sense to feel. She activated the numbness that she has always known. This is the first time she voluntarily numbed herself. She used the very emotion that crippled her for so many years to build up a wall, only to protect her heart and her body. She knew that if she did not, she would come out of there more crippled than ever before. She would have merged with him and she would have lost herself. She would have become Harley Quinn in the Joker’s essence. He would have become a […]

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Seven Years Gone

I wanted you to love me! Seven years, Seven years of wanting you to love me. How strange the human heart is…… Seven years of you in my mind. Seven years of you in my heart. And now, now, now it’s gone. It makes no sense at all how the human heart can change over night. Mine changed over night. It changed over night. I wanted you to love me! I wanted you to love me. Seven years gone by. Seven years gone gone gone gone gone gone. The Lord was wise to say: “The human heart is deceiving.” Mine deceived me well. I would have walked through the fire […]

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Smile at Me

Seven years gone with the wind. Seven years gone like the wind. You made them dissipate. They dissipated with your smile. Something ignited within me the Spring night I walked pass by you. You smiled at me, but I kept walking. I did not smile back, I must have been asleep. I think your smile woke me up. I had a dream last night: The atmosphere witnessed our desperate love. We both clung onto each other, a moment spend away from one another was treacherous. I woke up. I handed the dream over to the Lord. I gave you over to the Lord. I asked Him to do His will and admonished Him, […]

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I’m Bruised

My heart is bruised. My mind decaying. The silence. It causes chaos. This darkness. It’s never ending. I stand on waters in the middle of the sea with surrounding roaring winds. I fall to my knees, but I do not sink. I cannot worship. I cannot scream. I’m choking. “Where is your God? Oh my soul, Where is your God?” He sits on His throne with Might and Power. His eyes of blazing fire, hair like white snow, and burnished bronze feet. He sits…. What are you doing up there? Can’t you see me?! Look at me! Don’t ignore me! It feels like you are tearing my heart apart. I’m […]

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You are Perfect in Every Way

“Worthless. Worthless! Worthless!! Worthless!!! Worthless!!!! Worthless!!!!!” A tempest of tears stream from my eyes down to my hoodie. I can’t make since of the perfection he listed with such detail: “You are perfect in every way. I love everything about you; the way you think, the way you carry yourself. You are confident and beautiful inside and out. I love your heart, the way you love God, you are obedient to Him and you have compassion for people. I love your smile and your dimples. I love the powerful woman you have become and you’re only going to get better. Damn. You are perfect in every way. You live a […]

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To God Be the Glory

To God be the glory. Yes, to God be the glory! For His Son as atonement for my sin. Even though my heart is torn to pieces. Even though I am lost. For the first time in my life I do not know how to come to the glorious God. But to God be the glory. Yes, to God be the glory. For His yielded life. If I have anything at all let it be my offering. The truth is I am torn inside. But to God be the glory, my glorious King. For His perfect redemption. Take my broken pieces; if they offend you put them back together. I […]

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Lord of My Heart

Lord of my heart give me discernment to know your ways. I sit still, but the inner currents are overtaking me, they are about the drawn me! Lord of my heart fill my mind with thoughts of you. I used to be filled of you. I used to lay on my bed with peace. Then I heard his mesmerizing voice and an area in my heart was woken up. How I despise this! Save me Lord of my heart! I have spaces that aren’t filled. I have spaces that yearn. Lord of my heart be one with me! Walk with me. Talk with me. Let your presence be my light. […]

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Your Wondrous Cross

  I yearn the days of old when your wondrous cross satisfied my need. Your cross is my richest gain and yet I find myself feeling empty. I look up and I see a distant God, You are far from me. How? How did I disconnect my heart from Your bleeding sacrifice? Why? I find myself fighting to gain that which I lost many years ago. It’s ironic, it never belonged to me. I want your blessing. Is this what You want as well? I have pride, but I despise it. I find myself boasting. I do not want to offend you. I’m not sure if I’m after vain things […]

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